Blog #Depression

For many people, the holiday season, whether Christmas, Hanukkah, or other winter celebrations, is portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and togetherness. Images of happy families, meaningful traditions, and celebration are everywhere. Yet for a significant number of adults, this time of year brings something very different: sadness, stress, loneliness, or a sense of emotional heaviness often referred to as the holiday blues. If you find yourself feeling low around the holidays, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. 

Why the Holidays Can Be Emotionally Difficult 

The holiday season tends to amplify what’s already present in our lives. For some, that means connection and gratitude. For others, it highlights loss, unmet expectations, or ongoing stress. Common contributors to holiday blues include: 

• Grief and loss — remembering loved ones who are no longer here
• Family dynamics — unresolved conflict, strained relationships, or difficult gatherings
• Loneliness — especially for those living alone or far from family
• High expectations — pressure to feel happy, grateful, or “festive”
• Burnout and fatigue — the year’s accumulated stress catching up
• Financial strain — increased spending and financial pressure
• Gift Giving — pressure to find gifts that do not disaapoint
• Disruption of routines — changes in sleep, diet, and structure

When these factors collide with cultural messages that we should feel joyful during Christmas, Hanukkah, or other holidays, people often experience shame or self-criticism for feeling otherwise. 

Gentle Ways to Care for Yourself During the Holidays 

There’s no single “right” way to feel during Christmas, Hanukkah, or any holiday. Giving yourself permission to experience the season in a way that fits you is often the most important step. Some helpful strategies include: 

-Lower the bar.

You don’t need to meet anyone else’s version of the perfect holiday. It’s okay to simplify plans, say no, or do things differently. 

-Maintain small routines.

Consistent sleep, movement, and meals can provide stability when everything else feels chaotic. 

-Set boundaries.

Limiting time with difficult people, stepping away from triggering conversations, or leaving events early is not selfish—it’s healthy.

 -Acknowledge grief and mixed emotions.

Joy and sadness can coexist. Allowing space for both can be surprisingly relieving. 

-Stay connected in ways that feel manageable.

A brief check-in with a trusted friend or a short walk with someone you trust can be enough. 

-Practice self-compassion.

If you’re struggling, remind yourself that many others are too—even if it doesn’t look that way. 

A Final Thought 

If Christmas or Hanukkah feels hard this year, you’re not failing the season. You’re responding as a human being with a complex inner life. The holidays don’t require constant happiness. If you’d like support navigating the holiday season or the challenges that surface during it, reaching out can be a meaningful first step.

 Without realizing it, we often make assumptions about other people or situations that are distorted or inaccurate. These assumptions can lead to generalizations about others or life in general, creating a cycle of misunderstanding and emotional distress.

 Let’s explore an example .Imagine you have a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. You call to check in, but they don’t answer. You leave a message expressing your desire to catch up. Days go by, and your friend still hasn’t returned your call or sent a text. You start to feel rejected and a little insulted because you pride yourself on promptly returning messages. Thoughts race through your mind: Maybe this friendship isn’t worth the effort. Shouldn’t good friends be more responsive? As the days pass, your thoughts spiral. You start to generalize, thinking, People are so selfish and one-sided. At times, you even turn the blame inward, wondering if you said or did something wrong. These thoughts can deepen into feelings of unworthiness or even a belief that you’re unlovable. Your mood worsens, and you withdraw—staying home instead of attending social events. You convince yourself that your friend is inconsiderate, never pausing to consider other possible explanations for their silence. Then, a week later, your friend finally calls back. They explain they had been away and then caught a bad cold. They admit they had meant to call but felt overwhelmed. They apologize sincerely, and suddenly, the situation becomes clear. 

While their explanation makes you feel better, you’ve already spent a week ruminating—dwelling on feelings of rejection and disappointment, and even isolating yourself socially. This pattern of high expectations, misinterpreted intentions, and subsequent withdrawal can contribute to low-level depression. The cycle can be self-reinforcing: unrealistic expectations lead to distorted thinking, which leads to isolation, further deepening feelings of sadness or loneliness.

Fortunately, counseling and psychotherapy can help you break this cycle. Therapy offers tools to challenge distorted thinking, manage expectations, and strengthen relationships. If you find yourself struggling with feelings of rejection, unworthiness, or loneliness—or if you feel your friendships lack the quality you desire—reach out today. You don’t have to navigate these feelings alone; we are here to help.

Post by Stefan C. Dombrowski, Ph.D.

www.potentialitytherapy.com